I didn't get to say goodbye

Nonna and Nonno

last sunday my surrogate grandmother died, I love her and miss her so much...

this is what my mother wrote about Nonna and Nonno:

In all the years we have been in Vicenza, we have been friends with our old neighbors Toni and Amelia. They became adoptive grandparents to Arthur and Daniela and good helpful friends to all of us. Toni came and helped us in the yard for many years. He thought nothing of climbing up a towering cyprus tree and cutting off the top at 80 years old. Finally he stopped riding his moto so we he didn't come anymore. We always went to visit them and took all of our visitors to meet them. They welcomed whoever showed up at their door no matter what time of the day it was. Toni talked and told stories even if it was in a different language, and Amelia had such a sense of humor she could make people laugh in any language. Toni died in May 2006, with his boots on working in the yard. Amelia lasted a year and a half without him, although she would say "non c'e niente senza Toni, tutto e` cambiato": without Toni there is nothing everything has changed. She had a very good Romanian woman taking care of her, who probably kept her alive that long. She had heart disease which worsened with time and quietly took her home on the 5th of January. She asked Art if he would take her on a cruise a few hours before she died. I went there 2 or 3 times a week for all the time we were here. Amelia was a true friend, and I loved her as did any of you who were able to meet her and laugh with her and look into those wonderful eyes.

A chapter has closed for us but not only....that generation who lived through 2 wars, suffered from hunger and didn't really get indoor plumbing and electricity until 30-40 years ago, is disappearing from Italy. They were the backbone of Italy, living simply, gathering food from the fields and forest, cooking meals to die for in simple kitchens without a lot of equipment, raising animals that they ate--meat with no drugs and creepy additives, not consuming because they remembered how it was to live without and what it was like to carry water up the hill each day from a communal spring in the valley. They said that was the good life in which people were happy and willing to share what little they had. As they disappear from the countryside, I hope Italy manages to hold onto what makes it a charming and wonderful country to visit and live in.

FUNeral

on death

And after your death, when most of you for the first time realize what life here is all about, you will begin to see that your life here is almost nothing but the sum total of every choice you have made during every moment of your life.
Your thoughts, which you are responsible for, are as real as your deeds. You will begin to realize that every word and every deed affects your life and has also touched thousands of lives.
There is no joy without hardship. If not for death, would we appreciate life? If not for hate, would we know the ultimate goal is love?...At these moments you can either hold on to negativity and look for blame, or you can choose to heal and keep on loving. Those who learned to know death, rather than to fear and fight it, become our teachers about life.

from the womb to the tomb

every day we grow closer to our imminent death, every minute that passes only draws us nearer to our own demise; as we grow older, as new experiences are lived, old ones die, so one could say that a bit of us dies every day, are we nothing more then walking corpses? what exactly does it mean to be alive?

today for example I could very well say I don't feel too alive, in fact being dead sounds quite appealing, hypothetically speaking that is, I'm not on a mission of self deliverance, I just want to point out that if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't complain, up until that moment I would have lived a good life, to it's fullest no doubt with no regrets of the sort; so I'm at peace with the fact that sooner or later I WILL die. It just hurts when a little of you dies for one reason or another, when a hope or a dream dies, that in my opinion, is more painful then the actual physical death. So one then would conclude, that we are in constant mourning, because we are always dying, even if we are alive, I guess that's part of the process of growing up, we grieve for the loss of the innocence and purity of being a child, and we weep for the people who come and go in our lives, we lament for the lost potential, an idea that doesn't turn out as one would hope.

living is a very difficult task, a gift no doubt, but none the less a strenuous one

the body

The body is a physical manifestation of the spirit; it talked to us, held us when we were frightened, cried when it was in pain and laughed when it was happy. The human species has reached its stage of development by one generation passing the genetic building blocks (physical and emotional traits) to succeding generations. Each of us carries genetic residue of hundreds of ancestors. Thus the physical body is an intricate part of the continuum of existence as individuals.

The dead body is not the person, they are rather like discarded clothing: nevertheless, as the outward and visible sign of personality, they are to be treated with respect and reverence.

Dia de los Muertos

another favorite holiday of mine is the Dia de los Muertos

The Day of the Dead (Día de los Fieles Difuntos or Día de los Muertos in Spanish) is a holiday celebrated mainly in Mexico and the Mexican community living in the United States and Canada, with variations of it also observed in other Latin American countries and other parts of the world. The Mexican celebration occurs on November 1 (All Saints' Day) and November 2 (All Souls' Day).
Though the subject matter may be considered morbid from the perspective of some other cultures, celebrants typically approach the Day of the Dead joyfully, and though it occurs roughly at the same time as Halloween, All Saints' Day and All Souls Day, the traditional mood is much brighter — with emphasis on celebrating and honoring the lives of the deceased. Revelers of the Day of the Dead celebrate the continuation of life — believing not that death is the end, but rather the beginning of a new stage in life. In Mexico and Mexican communities in the United States and Europe, the Day of the Dead is of particular cultural importance.

Some Mexicans feel that death is a special occasion, but with elements of celebration, because the soul is passing into another life. Plans for the festival are made throughout the year, including gathering the goods to be offered to the dead. During the period of November 1 and November 2, families usually clean and decorate the graves. Most visit the cemeteries where their loved ones are buried and decorate their graves with ofrendas, or offerings, which often include orange marigold called "cempasúchil", originally named cempoalxochitl, Nahuatl for "twenty (i.e., many) flowers", in modern Mexico this name is often replaced with the term "Flor de Muerto", Spanish for "Flower of the Dead". These flowers are thought to attract souls of the dead to the offerings.
Toys are brought for dead children (los angelitos, or little angels), and bottles of tequila, mezcal, pulque or atole for adults. Families will also offer trinkets or the deceased's favorite candies on the grave. Ofrendas are also put in homes, usually with foods such as candied pumpkin, pan de muerto ("bread of the dead") or sugar skulls and beverages such as atole. The ofrendas are left out in the homes as a welcoming gesture for the deceased. Some people believe the spirits of the dead eat the "spiritual essence" of the ofrenda food, so even though the celebrators eat the food after the festivity, they believe it lacks nutritional value. Pillows and blankets are left out so that the deceased can rest after their long journey. In some parts of Mexico, such as the towns of Mixquic, Pátzcuaro and Janitzio, people spend all night beside the graves of their relatives.

Some families build altars or small shrines in their homes. These altars usually have the Christian cross, statues or pictures of the Blessed Virgin Mary, pictures of deceased relatives and other persons, and scores of candles. Traditionally, families spend some time around the altar praying and telling anecdotes about the deceased. In some locations, celebrants wear shells on their clothing so when they dance the dead will wake up because of the noise. Some will dress up as the deceased.
Public schools at all levels build altars with offerings, usually omitting the religious symbols. Government offices usually have at least a small altar, as this holiday is seen as important to the Mexican heritage.
Those with writing talent sometimes create short poems, called "calaveras" ("skulls"), mocking epitaphs of friends, sometimes with things they used to do in life. This custom originated in the 18th-19th century, after a newspaper published a poem narrating a dream of a cemetery in the future, "and all of us were dead", proceeding to "read" the tombstones. Newspapers dedicate calaveras to public figures, with cartoons of skeletons in the style of José Guadalupe Posada. Theatrical presentations of Don Juan Tenorio by José Zorrilla (1817–1893) are also traditional on this day.

A common symbol of the holiday is the skull (colloquially called calavera), which celebrants represent in masks, called calacas (colloquial term for "skeleton"), and foods such as sugar skulls, which are inscribed with the name of the recipient on the forehead. Sugar skulls are gifts that can be given to both the living and the dead. Other holiday foods include pan de muerto, a sweet egg bread made in various shapes, from plain rounds to skulls and rabbits often decorated with white frosting to look like twisted bones.

The traditions and activities that take place in celebration of the Day of the Dead are not universal and often vary from town to town. For example, in the town of Pátzcuaro on the Lago de Pátzcuaro in Michoacán the tradition is very different if the deceased is a child rather than an adult. On November 1 of the year after a child's death, the godparents set a table in the parents' home with sweets, fruits, pan de muerto, a cross, a Rosary (used to ask the Virgin Mary to pray for them) and candles. This is meant to celebrate the child’s life, in respect and appreciation for the parents. There is also dancing with colorful costumes, often with skull-shaped masks and devil masks in the plaza or garden of the town. At midnight on November 2, the people light candles and ride winged boats called mariposas (Spanish for "butterfly") to Janitzio, an island in the middle of the lake where there is a cemetery, to honor and celebrate the lives of the dead there.
In contrast, the town of Ocotepec, north of Cuernavaca in the State of Morelos opens its doors to visitors in exchange for 'veladoras' (small wax candles) to show respect for the recently dead. In return, the visitors receive tamales and 'atole'. This is only done by the owners of the house where somebody in the household has died in the previous year. Many people of the surrounding areas arrive early to eat for free and enjoy the elaborate altars set up to receive the visitors from 'Mictlán'.
In some parts of the country, children in costumes roam the streets, asking passersby for a calaverita, a small gift of money; they don't knock on people's doors.
Some people believe that possessing "dia de los muertos" items can bring good luck. Many people get tattoos or have dolls of the dead to carry with them.